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Where you been?? asked Nancy whose taste in clothes ran to too tight sweaters and too short skirts. She was a new hire and the word around the department was that her employment was based on her unequaled proficiency in providing Captain Sullivan his daily hummer. She waved me through. ?Come in, Simon, you know Marty Graves of Traffic?? asked the Captain pointing toward a uniform seated in front of his desk. ?Can’t say I’ve had the pleasure,? I replied shaking the hand of the nervous looking cop. As we shook, he handed me a case folder with his other hand. He passed it off like you would if you were getting rid of a particularly bad smelling turd. ?What you got here, Marty,? I asked flipping the folder open as I took a seat? ?Something that’s not in our line of responsibility,? said Marty looking happy I was now holding the folder full of shit. The first picture had shock value, a blonde female spread out on the trunk of a roadster I took to be a Beemer. . I was ashamed to have allowedmyself to be emasculated in this way. But I was still the man of thehouse, wasn't I?Next Charlotte said, "Patrick, I have discovered the answer to yourproblem is to wear tights when you travel down to Spain with me." Tights? Just how am I going to get this past the children?" Don't tell them, but unless you want the swollen feet problem again youwill need to wear them. You are still a man aren't you? You are notthreatened by a small item of women's clothing are you? And as you wantto compete in the martial art competition but can't stop breaking yourtoenails when you kick people I have learnt what you need to do tostrengthen your toenails. It's a guitarist's trick. You need to wearnail polish." If you don't want the tights to look too obvious you should wear pantiesinstead of your boxers as they would bunch up under the tights."Charlotte and the girls packed the bags and the boys and I loadedeverything in the roof rack as we had been instructed. .
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